Cred Checks and You
A few weeks ago, I wrote about how my mental cred checks get in the way of my RPG enjoyment. Too often I’ve been told that, because I’m a chick, there some inherent faux-ness in my devotion to games. Which is straight up BS, but – when you’re told something a bazillion times – it’s hard to not let it get to you.
For whatever reason, there are lots of people who treat RPGs as some kind of secret club. It’s an exclusive geekery that needs to be protected from “hobbiests.” That attitude hurts games, guys. It makes us unapproachable and unwelcoming. We’re trying to attract new players, bring lapsed gamers back to the table, and keep people interested in the hobby. Creating a “you” and “us” dynamic sabotages our beloved hobby.
Whether it’s treating women like they’re too slow to get games, turning your nose up at young gamers when they show up to our con games, or blatantly judging people who like a game that you do not, it’s unacceptable to be that judgmental jackass.
So, how do we avoid it?
Stop assuming chicks can’t game. We love games as much as guys do. We’re as capable of understanding the rules as guys do. There’s no mold that we emerge from that makes us all “role players” instead of “roll players.” We’re not all a bunch of yippy-dippy ladies who just want to frolic with unicorns and dance with fairies (but, if I wanted to do that, it’s my prerogative).
Stop acting like your edition or favorite RPG makes you better than anyone else. You should be passionate about your favorite game. You should hug it and love it and squeeze it forever and ever, but stop believing that your preference makes you some kind of soapbox hero who can vomit hateful jackassery in the middle of the street. This attitude is rampant with the dndnext playtest and it’s ridiculous.
Stop with the incessant WELL ACTUALLY-ing. Take just a second before you open your mouth to think about your words. And, maybe above all, remember that this is a game. Correction and critique should be an important part of any gaming group, but there comes a point when you need to step back and just. have. fun.
There’s probably a hundred things I could add to this list, but I’m off to spend some time with my kid. Which doesn’t make me any less of a gamer (though I have been accused of not being dedicated to RPGs because I sent my husband to GenCon without me the year my son was born).
What things can YOU do to make our hobby more welcoming?
Smile! Smile when you see people browsing through rpg books. Smile when someone stops by to watch your game. Smile when you stop to watch other people’s games. I find that I, and many other people, forget how inviting simply smiling can be both at making the person being smiled at feel more welcomed and making the smiler feel more welcoming.
I was at a dinner with a bunch of local geeks recently and someone brought up a point which I thought helped explain why people do number 2. He said that some people seem to think of gaming as a zero-sum thing. One could casually dislike 4e and just not play it, but what if everyone else in the entire world played it and not 3.5? Who would you game with? He thinks it’s that kind of fear that makes people react like that.
I think it’s a pretty good analysis (that and just the urge to be right about things) and I wonder if looking at it that way could help the rest of us calm those people down…or if it’s something the people would just have to do for themselves.
I’m really glad to see people speak out for games and for helping to make the hobby a safer and more fun thing to do. It’s good that we lady gamers have such a outspoken advocates.
It’s interesting that Shadowrun was singled out in Lyndsay’s post. Doing that contradicts what you’re saying here.
I’ve always enjoyed representing women at more strategically driven and science/tech based gaming tables (mostly since I’m really better at coming up with interesting tactics and solving problems than improvisational storytelling, etc). It’s a different kind of gaming.
In my experience, there are FAR fewer women playing these games than men. Which is interesting, because it mirrors actual science/tech job percentages (ie: women make up less than 30% of compsci degree recipients and people with programming jobs). Not only that, but a lot of people who play these games are engineers, scientists, etc. Because of this, these games are the front lines – not only on the women in gaming, but women out there in the real world.
I have played with a LOT of guys in a lot of SR and similar games. My tables have been universally welcoming, even eager to have good female players. I’m genuinely pleased when I DO encounter resistance, because I can SHOW them how women players do it, and directly confront their biases.
Yes, you’ll find people who are obsessed with rules and get caught up in well-actuallying. I’ve had an instance or two where I wished the player would shut up about the rules and just play already. But you’re going to find well-actuallyers and munchkins all across the RPG spectrum. That’s just the way people can be. I think it’s a mindset and I think there are games out there for those people.
The whole “being welcoming” thing really hits home for me. I’ve found that, at Karin said above, just smiling and being pleasant goes a long way towards making people feel comfortable. If you’re the one sitting at the table as a GM and you’ve got all of the knowledge about the game system, it’s your job to help everyone at the table enjoy the gaming experience and learn the rules, not to lord your knowledge over them and make them feel dumb for not knowing.
There are things that you can do as a player to minimize this, too. If you’re going to a convention and you’re new to a game, don’t sign up for the competitive battle-type game where people sign up in teams and tactics/rules mastery is king. Make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into and be pleasant yourself. If you’re a jerky player, that doesn’t help anyone.
“Though I have been accused of not being dedicated to RPGs because I sent my husband to GenCon without me the year my son was born”
The fact that people that say things like this even exist totally blows me away.
I have a question. There is a woman I sometimes game with that is slow at picking up RPGs. None of the rest of us care at all. We’re happy to either wait for her to figure out the math or what her PC would do or whatever. But, for her, it seems like it is uncomfortable. We get this sense that she is self-conscious and then that in turn makes it awkward for us… do we offer help, do we not, etc.
Our bottom line is we dig playing with her and we don’t care if she’s fast or slow or whatever. But we want to help her become comfortable with that and not have this ongoing awkwardness or her decide she doesn’t want to play.
Thoughts?
I’ve seen this a few times, and unfortunately in my experience it has always been a result of the individual just not being into the game.
It can be difficult if a significant other or close friends are there. The person would just like to hang out with everyone, but gaming is the only time everyone gets together, so he or she puts in the effort despite not really digging it.
And it may not be “gaming” or “roleplaying” that they don’t like. It might just be the particular game. I had a friend who was a hardcore World of Darkness role-player, but when I invited her to my D&D campaign she kept floundering and getting distracted. Turned out she just really didn’t like D&D after trying it.
We ended up having board game night once or twice a month, and she would show up to those and everyone was happier. Of course, this was in college when we all had the leisure to game two or three times a week.
Any of this may not be true in her case. I recommend just bringing it up. Not in front of everyone, because that’s a lot of pressure, but just mention it. “Hey I noticed you don’t seem to get into the game all that much and I was wondering if there is anything we could do differently to make it more fun for you?” It’s an awkward question to ask, but it tends to get answers.
It all comes down to Wheaton’s Law in the end, doesn’t it? Regardless of gender, race, age, noob-ness, hobby vs. hardcore, there’s no point to being mean and excluding others or badmouthing them because (insert real-life event here) takes precedent.
Although there are times I’d like to do a “Little Bunny Foo-Foo” to certain people’s junk.
Another good article Liz. Thank you. For making our hobby more welcoming I have some ideas from my LARPing days.
o Invite and welcome new players to your games
o Cut the alpha geek bullshit
o Teach the other players don’t play their characters for them
o Make cheat-sheets
o Honestly welcome new players into your games
o Run events outside of the normal channels like a Library
o If you are the GM/DM/referee then it’s your job to explain the rules to the new players. Do not overwhelm
o Do not overwhelm new players with all of the rules, break them into sections over game sessions
o Follow Wheaton’s Law
I’ve had really great experiences with the women gamers I’ve known, and have fortunately never witnessed the poor behavior outlined in item #1. It seems pretty unfathomable, but I shouldn’t be too shocked having seen LOTS of numbers 2 and 3.
I think the demonstrative sense of superiority exhibited by so many gamers will be what determines whether tabletop RPGs flourish and grow as a hobby, or go the way of model trains.
Such stark attitudes are exhibited in RPG communities about the qualities of anything outside their personal favorite games (often older dungeon crawlers) that to even express an another opinion is to assure a series of nasty responses. Not dissenting opinions. Not people expressing love for the games that they like, but hatred for anyone who doesn’t feel the same.
I don’t discriminate with my cred checks as you call them, but expect all players to make them. The reason, the hobby is being flooded with people who don’t want to really game. They only game because it is in and popular. Geek style is popular right now. I’m so sick of hearing Wil Wheaton this and Felicia Day that. Like they are the king and queen of the geek kingdom. They don’t speak for me, but they spread this disease of geek chic.
Give me a break. There is a place at the table for men and women. But know the rules, know the history, and be there for the game.
And I should add, while I may seem harsh…I state it because yes the main reason is fun, I agree with that, and I accept anyone at my table. As long as they are there to game. Hence, where the checks come in.
If they are there, man or woman might I add, come with the want to learn and the appreciation of the game. Not with your cell phone or iPad and disruptive behavior just so you can leave later and say “I played a, rpg, I’m a gamer now”.
John,
It’s actually this “you’re not a gamer if you don’t know our history” attitude that really makes me rage.
Who the shit cares if there are people playing “our” games who don’t understand the history?
And, more importantly, people wanting to game because it’s popular is AWESOME. I love it when people WANT to play games with me. It’s awesome when I cay say, “I play RPGs” and have people in the room say, “I’ve heard of that, but haven’t tried it!”
You turn those people away or disparage the “cool factor” or games/general geekery? Then you’re contributing to the death of the hobby.
–Liz