An Encounter with Ed Greenwood

An Encounter with Ed Greenwood

A quick note about this post: 

I adore Ed Greenwood. He’s a fantastic writer and an incredibly well-meaning dude. This retelling is meant to be in good fun, but is entirely true. 

I hope you enjoy An Encounter with Ed Greenwood!

Once upon a time, two young gamers named Liz and Gertie were exploring the magical kingdom of the D&D Experience just before the release of 4e. It was a fantastic land filled with exciting experiences and creepy men with unshaven necks and brilliant red sweatpants.When the sun reached its apex, a call went out to visitors of the land: The famous Ed Greenwood was to have an audience. All were invited to come speak with him and he would provide, free of charge, a copy of his newest book! Eager to talk with the mystical Mr. Greenwood, Liz and Gertie scampered to his court! As the two timid girls approached, Greenwood’s beard glimmered under the fluorescent flights. His eyes twinkled under his bushy bangs.”Hello, Ed!,” exclaimed Gertie.”It’s nice to see you,” Liz said.

“How are you ladies, today?” the wizard-esque man asked.

Shyly, each girl responded that they were quite well and appreciated the opportunity to meet him.

Gertie smiled and said, “Ed, there has been talk of turning your Forgotten Realms into a film! Tell me, sir, what character would you play?!”

Reaching up to toss his hair, Mr. Greenwood giggled, “All the pretty girls!!”

Flutters of awkward laughter erupted from the mouths of Liz and Gertie.

“… or, possibly, the fluffer!” Ed continued.

Tears of hilarity began to stream from Gertie eyes and ran down her face. Ed reached out towards Gertie, offering assistance. “Shall I lick the tears off of your cheeks!?”

Gertie and Liz turned bright shades of crimson and the next few moments of conversation flew by in a blur of confusion and moderately creeped-out-ed-ness.

Liz’s mind spun, she could no longer comprehend the words that Gertie and Mr. Greenwood were speaking… and, when she came to her senses, somehow (really, I may never know how), Ed was speaking of his beard.

He tugged briskly on his silver strands. “My wife,” he said, “uses this as a tool.” Gripping his facial hair tightly, he pulled his head downward. “See. She’ll pull my head down and say, ‘While you’re down there…”

Grinning suggestively Ed surveyed the girls. Before that moment they had nearly composed themselves, but the flood of laughter could no longer be controlled. Quickly, they asked the man to sign their books and scampered off into the crowd.

Gertie and Liz left the presence of Mr. Greenwood… changed forever.

Liz wears a lot of hats. She’s a writer, editor, gamer, mom, and small business owner. When she’s not tweeting or blogging, she’s probably playing D&D, running Dread, or painting minis.

4 Responsesto “An Encounter with Ed Greenwood”

  1. Evan Franke says:

    Holy inappropriate fan interactions Batman! I would say that “changed forever” might be putting it mildly. You went to meet one of your heroes, a giant of the industry and fell into the TMI zone. I’m not sure if I should apologize, just on principle, or just back away, not making eye contact or any threatening gestures.

    I have had a few of my heroes show me their feet of clay, as such, but that really is wackier than anything I could come up with.

    As strange as this interaction was, do you think this was the product of Greenwood having an off day? Was he having trouble relating appropriately to fans in general, or was it just to certain fans? I fully understand that you may have just left somewhat shell shocked and not had any idea how he did with others, but I’ve never met Greenwood and know little of him as a person, so I have no idea if he is a jovially strange guy, he was having some kind of episode, or if he is a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, trapped in a spring roll.

    Thanks as always for sharing.

    • Liz says:

      This post is, on the whole, meant to give a chuckle, rather than make a comment on Ed’s character. Over the years, I’ve had several interactions with him and he’s always been a jovial, nonthreatening dude. He just happens to be a bit pervy. ;)

  2. Evan Franke says:

    Well, it is a funny story, though it does make me cringe as well.

    In an environment where I want to see more girls and women interested and attracted into the hobby and industry, it is hard to be happy that a giant of creativity also has a public personality of being a kind of dirty uncle around whom I might be uncomfortable to have my 12 year old daughter.

    I’m glad that subsequent interactions have endeared him to you rather than being traumatic.

  3. Keith Roy says:

    It is hardly a surprise to me, as I have followed Mr. Greenwood’s work for a couple decades now, and he has consistently had his alter-ego, the ancient wizard Elminster, act in a similar manner with the females in the fiction, and I long suspected that it mirrored his real personality, or at least represented how he wished to behave. Of course, in the fiction, the females respond positively, at least reacting with a chuckle and maybe some bemusement, as you did in real life, and often enough acceding to a more intimate encounter.

    It seems people with a certain amount of charisma are able to do that in real life, while others with a bit less could find themselves ostracized, if not in legal trouble. Just goes to show that in real life, Charisma is certainly NOT a dump stat!

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